I haven't posted much lately. Mostly because I've been struggling on what to write. But, something has been on my mind, recently.
In the past few weeks I've shared other blog posts about waiting on the Lord. Why?
I want children. Simple as that.
Stephen and I have been married 2 years and 7 months, today. We were ready for kids once we moved into our house....almost two years ago. Two years of trying and waiting. For whatever reason, God is having us wait.
And, that's what I'm struggling with.
I don't know why.
All of my life, the only thing I've ever wanted is to be a wife and mother. I don't have a fancy degree. I don't have a career path. I just want to be a mother. Likewise, Stephen has the same desire. It just seems we were made to be parents.
Why are we having to wait on something we both desire so strongly? I don't know.
I'm the type of person that wants to know the answer to everything right now. I hate waiting. But, everything else I've had to wait for is a piece of cake compared to this.
Especially when I get on social media and see everyone's posts about their pregnancies and births.
Don't get me wrong. I am so thrilled for all of you with children! But, a part of me isn't. I'm jealous. When I see the announcements and the pictures, all I can think about is how it's not me.
I know that's wrong. And, like I said, I am truly happy for those of you with little ones. But, until it happens for me, it's going to be hard.
So, why am I being so personal and sharing my heart?
Because I want you all to know what I'm feeling. So, if you feel tempted to ask, "when is it your turn?", or try to help by saying, "whenever you do decide to have children", don't.
We don't know what God's plans are.
We have decided to have children. If it were up to us, I'd be holding a little baby right now. Maybe two.
But, it's not up to us. It's up to our all powerful, all knowing God.
And, that's honestly the only thing that's keeping us going. He knows all things. He knows our future. He is faithful. He knows how many children we will have - or won't have. He knows if they will be by birth or adoption.
For those of you who are in the same waiting game - you are not alone. If you ever want to talk or cry. I'm here. God is also there. He knows your pleas for parenthood. He knows the deepest desires of your heart. He is the ultimate Comforter.
I'm going to end with some requests.
Will you pray for us? Offer encouragement? Be sensitive in your questions - or don't ask.
Thank you, friends.
