Only Trust Him

Last May I shared our struggles with infertility. Well, almost another year has come and gone and the struggle is still there. 3 years of struggling.

The disappointment of seeing "negative" is still there.

The jealousy of seeing friends and family sharing their happy news.

The awkwardness of being asked if we have children and if we want children.

It's all still there. In fact, the more time that passes, the stronger the pain, the deeper the desire to be parents.

We still don't know what God's plans are, but we are still trusting in His perfect timing.

I wrote this last year:



"...But, it's not up to us. It's up to our all powerful, all knowing God.

And, that's honestly the only thing that's keeping us going. He knows all things. He knows our future. He is faithful. He knows how many children we will have - or won't have. He knows if they will be by birth or adoption. 

For those of you who are in the same waiting game - you are not alone. If you ever want to talk or cry. I'm here. God is also there. He knows your pleas for parenthood. He knows the deepest desires of your heart. He is the ultimate Comforter. 

I'm going to end with some requests. 

Will you pray for us? Offer encouragement? Be sensitive in your questions - or don't ask."


All of this holds true.

But, instead of ending there, I want to share some exciting news!

Stephen and I have talked and prayed and have decided that we are going to begin the process of fostering with the intent to adopt! It's not the route we originally planned, but it's the route that we trust God wants us on.

We have a pre-class this Friday evening. Followed by 10 weekly classes, 2-3 home studies, and approval. The whole process will take 4-6 months.

We have talked with several friends and family who have gone through this journey, but we are still a little overwhelmed! If you have any tips, suggestions, resources, let us know!

And, please! Please pray for us! Pray for the process, the approval, the child/children that we pray will enter into our home. Pray for our hearts. Pray for patience. Pray for financial peace.

I will do my best to update you all through here, but if not here, most definitely Facebook.

We are so excited for this journey that is about to begin! We have no idea where it is going to take us, but we are fully trusting in our great and loving Father.

God Knows the Deepest Desires of Your Heart

I haven't posted much lately. Mostly because I've been struggling on what to write. But, something has been on my mind, recently. 

In the past few weeks I've shared other blog posts about waiting on the Lord. Why? 

I want children. Simple as that. 

Stephen and I have been married 2 years and 7 months, today. We were ready for kids once we moved into our house....almost two years ago. Two years of trying and waiting. For whatever reason, God is having us wait.

And, that's what I'm struggling with.  

I don't know why. 

All of my life, the only thing I've ever wanted is to be a wife and mother. I don't have a fancy degree. I don't have a career path. I just want to be a mother. Likewise, Stephen has the same desire. It just seems we were made to be parents. 

Why are we having to wait on something we both desire so strongly? I don't know. 

I'm the type of person that wants to know the answer to everything right now. I hate waiting. But, everything else I've had to wait for is a piece of cake compared to this.

Especially when I get on social media and see everyone's posts about their pregnancies and births. 
Don't get me wrong. I am so thrilled for all of you with children! But, a part of me isn't. I'm jealous. When I see the announcements and the pictures, all I can think about is how it's not me. 

I know that's wrong. And, like I said, I am truly happy for those of you with little ones. But, until it happens for me, it's going to be hard. 

So, why am I being so personal and sharing my heart? 

Because I want you all to know what I'm feeling. So, if you feel tempted to ask, "when is it your turn?", or try to help by saying, "whenever you do decide to have children", don't.

We don't know what God's plans are. 

We have decided to have children. If it were up to us, I'd be holding a little baby right now. Maybe two.

But, it's not up to us. It's up to our all powerful, all knowing God.

And, that's honestly the only thing that's keeping us going. He knows all things. He knows our future. He is faithful. He knows how many children we will have - or won't have. He knows if they will be by birth or adoption. 

For those of you who are in the same waiting game - you are not alone. If you ever want to talk or cry. I'm here. God is also there. He knows your pleas for parenthood. He knows the deepest desires of your heart. He is the ultimate Comforter. 

I'm going to end with some requests. 

Will you pray for us? Offer encouragement? Be sensitive in your questions - or don't ask.

Thank you, friends.

He Will Wipe Every Tear....

Three weeks ago my family found out some devastating news: Gran (my dad's mother) had stage 4 cancer. Then, a week ago, she had a heart attack that ended her earthly life the next day.
A few days later we had a memorial service that my dear husband led as well as gave a powerful message. After we had a a time of sharing memories of Gran that brought tears and laughter.

Losing someone close whom you love dearly is never easy - it's not suppose to be. Death and grief are both part of the fall. It is evil. But as believers, we know that God has a reason for all things, the good and the bad. We also have a hope. A hope that we have an eternal home in heaven with the One who made this possible because He conquered sickness, death, sin.

I know Gran had this hope. I have full trust that, right now, she is worshipping her Father with unending joy. She is free of all her pain and suffering. She had been made new. Even though I am grieving on earth, this brings a peace and comfort.

Yes, it's difficult knowing that I will never be able to hear how proud she is of me (no matter how small of thing it was) feel her hugs, share in her love of butterflies, play games, receive birthday cards....the list goes on. Simply, I'm going to miss her beyond words.  I will always feel some guilt of not seeing her more, talking to her more, and telling her "I love you" more. But, I will always treasure the times that I spent with her.

Gran, I love you, I miss you, and I will forever long for the day that  I can join you in heaven so we can worship our Father together.


Revelation 21: 1-6

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.
And I saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'
And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' And He said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.' And He said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and then end. To the thirsty I will from the spring of life without payment."

How Great is My God

You know what humbles and amazes me more than almost anything else in the Scriptures? 

That God chose me, for Him, even before I was born. 

He chose me.

BEFORE my mother, father, anyone  knew I was coming, God knew.

This shows two things:

1. God loves me. He's loved me since the beginning of time. He desires me to know Him, to love Him, to trust Him, to follow Him anywhere He leads....more so than any human being. 

That's the humbling part. Now, the amazing part.

2. God choosing me before anyone knew I would be born means He's been around since before I was born. God loving me since the beginning of time means He's been around since the beginning of time. 

All of this, means He's the one who created time and has orchestrated every event - birth, death, marriages, wars, holidays, everything. 

Wow.

Putting these two points together just brings me to my knees. Because, in the midst of every event that has ever happened on earth He still loves me so much and in such a way that no human can.

And, it's not just me. It's every true believer who has lived, lives, and will live. 

How great is my God? Beyond comprehension. 

Ephesians 1, 2 Thessalonians 2:13-17, 1 Peter 1, Psalm 139.

( These are not all the passages pertaining to this, by no means! But, they are a good start. Read. Ponder. Praise God from whom all truths and blessings flow. )

"If There is Anything Worthy, Think on These Things"

Last week was Halloween. This meant picture after picture of witches, ghosts, and goblins, and all other such creepy creatures. Decorations galore. This also meant, of course, an abundance of scary movies.

Now, typically I don't care for scary movies. I'll only watch them outside of my house. And, I can NOT do blood and guts (Texas Chainsaw, Walking Dead, etc). But, sometimes I get in a strange mood and want to watch one.

So, this past Halloween found Stephen and I, along with a couple friend, at the theater to watch Ouija. It was creepy, scary, and haunting. I have vowed never to watch a scary movie for quite some time. Maybe never.

After getting home that night, Stephen and I had a conversation about these type of movies: are we wrong in watching them? I've had this topic in my head ever since. One Scripture passage, in particular, stands out - Philippians 4:8.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Certainly scary movies seem not to fit any of these words. So, most Christians would probably adhere to the decision that scary movies are something we should not engage in. But, I want to go a little deeper. 

I want to consider several things. 

1. What is the point of scary movies?
2. Why do we put scary movies on the "do not watch" list, but not, say, romantic drama/comedy?
3. How does this apply to us?

First, what is the point of scary movies? Well, obviously, to be scary! But, going deeper, horror movies were originally intended to show good vs. evil. That has definitely expanded and some are scary just to be scary, but we can still see this in a few movies.
I wholeheartedly believe that demons exist. Some Christians may not agree/forget/not think about it. But, hearing stories from the other side of the world, and even some here, I do believe they are real. Satan is most definitely real and will do anything to scare us and lead us away from God. 
Horror movies about demons can serve as reminder that they exist since many of them are based on true stories. 

Second (and third) why do we single out scary movies? I've heard people say that the Bible doesn't tell us to watch scary movies or subject ourselves to the like. The Bible doesn't tell us to do many things that we do. Staying on the topic of movies, romantic comedies and dramas. Ask any girl what she thinks about Nicholas Sparks, The Proposal, Valentine's Day, etc, and she'll likely say those are her favorite movies ever. Even though they include sex outside of marriage, approval of homosexual couples, and subjecting us to more of celebrities bodies than we should see. 
Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise. Do the above movies follow these guidelines? No. So, why are these different than scary movies? To truly be consistent, if you don't watch horror movies for those reasons, you shouldn't watch Nicholas Sparks or any romantic type movie. Or, almost any movie in general.
To truly be consistent on your reasonings, you can not focus on just one thing. You have to examine your whole life - for this post - every movie you watch. Once we do this, we'll find that there's not many options left. 

When Stephen and I were talking about this last week, he actually said that there was time period where he didn't watch too many movies. Partly for this reason. Maybe that's the point of this.
We didn't come to a conclusion. Although it seems like an obvious conclusion is getting rid of all our movies and never going to the theater again. It's one thing saying something, it's another doing it. 

It's hard for me to come to a conclusion. Sometimes I like scary movies. I love romantic movies of any type. I don't want to give these up...but, at some point I think I'm going to have to. To truly live a life that follows the verse above, we can subject ourselves to most of the filth that's in movies. Even the ones we love.

We can't just pick and choose want we want Scripture to mean and the implications it has for our life. We have to realize that there's more to this life than what we want to do and what we like. We are meant to do what God wants us to do - following His will and glorifying Him in ALL aspects.

So, if you think horror  movies are wrong to watch because they don't follow Philippians 4:8 (or any verse), then think through the other movies you watch. Think through all aspects of your life. Be consistent. 

*****this post may seem a little rambley. I apologize! I'm still working through the implications! I would love to hear your thoughts as well! Just leave a comment on here or facebook!****

Love and Marriage

Today, I am sicker than a dog. It is a cold, rainy day. The house is cluttered and I feel to sick to do anything about it.
Today is also our 2nd anniversary. Though it's not an ideal day to celebrate, it's still worth doing so.

2 years ago, at almost this exact time, I was walking down the isle to the love of my life. As I reflect on that day, spent with close friends and family, my heart bursts with thankfulness to God who has given me a husband who I am so unworthy of. I do not deserve to be loved by someone who looks through my faults, who doesn't care what I look like in the mornings, who doesn't care when the house isn't clean. Likewise, I look through Stephen's faults, I laugh at his antics when others might be annoyed, I don't care that he leaves a mess where ever he goes. Stephen loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is.

This is a beautifully perfect example of Christ's love for us - hence marriage is an example of Christ's love for the church - His redeemed people.

Christ was the ultimate sacrifice for us - dying on the cross for our sins. Though not anywhere close to the extent of this, marriage is a picture of sacrifice. As wives, we sacrifice our lives to provide a loving home for our husbands, and when the time comes, our children. Husbands sacrifice their lives through a job to provide for the family. We strive to make small, sacrificial choices for each other to show our love.

This morning I was up early with a bad cold. Stephen was up with me making sure I was comfortable. He sacrificed almost half his lunch break to stop at the store and get me medicine. Before he left to go back to to work he made sure I had everything I needed. This is a perfect example of sacrificial love.

In the end, marriage is a testimony - a testimony of Christ's covenant love for His people.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in Letters and Papers from Prison,

“Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God's holy ordinance, through which He wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to His glory, and calls into His kingdom. In your love, you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsability towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal - it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man.” 

And, a few pages later says this:

“God makes your marriage indissoluble, and protects it from every danger that may threaten it from within and without; he will be the guarantor of its indissolubility. It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed, anyone who knows that may say confidently: What God has joined together, can no man put asunder. Free from all the anxiety that is always a characteristic of love, you can now say to each other with complete and confident assurance: We can never lose each other now; by the will of God we belong to each other till death.” 

I love Stephen. I know he loves me. I also know that without a doubt we will spend the rest of our lives together. 

I have no idea how long "the rest of our lives" is. It could be a day. It could be 50 years. No matter the length, I pray that our marriage will exalt Christ and all that He has done for us. I pray that through our marriage, unsaved friends and family will see Christ and enter into a saving relationship with Him. 

Here's to the rest of our lives, my love. :)

God Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle

"God never gives us more than we can handle."

This phrase is often used to comfort someone in their time of need. I've been guilty of using it myself. But, after a conversation with my sister-in-law this past weekend, I got me thinking, is this actually true?

The more I thought about it and read about it, I've come to the conclusion that this phrase is, without a doubt, false. Here's why.


Jon Bloom, an author for Desiring God Ministries, actually wrote a blog post on this earlier this year. He used the story, found in Judges 7, of Gideon. God told Gideon that he was going to fight an army of 100,000 men with an army of 300. Gideon can handle that, right? By the phrase's definition, this should be a piece of cake for Gideon thus, he feared nothing. On the contrary.

As any of us would (whether we would like to admit it or not), Gideon freaked out.  Basically that's 333 of the enemy to 1 of Gideon's men.

But, as we read on, God assures Gideon that this will work out. He reminded Gideon of the Red Sea and the wall of Jericho. It helped some, but later that night is Gideon was planning out the battle, he had his doubts, again. It seemed impossible, in fact, you might say, he couldn't handle it.

But, once again, God came to him. He assured Gideon, that his hands would be strengthened.

As it happened, God was right. Read the chapter to find out how. It's pretty cool. :)

In this story we see that Gideon could not have done this on his own. It was, literally, humanly impossible for the battle to be won. But, with God's mighty hand and power, it worked out.


Friends, this story shows us that God absolutely does gives us more than we can handle.

Parents are never prepared to lose a child. Children are never prepared to learn a parent has cancer. Couples are never prepared to find out they will never have children. A husband is never prepared to find he lost his job.

Even as believers, we can not handle any of this on our own. We are never prepared to handle anything that seems to mess with our lives.

But, God is. After all, in His sovereignty, He has ordained it to happen.

This is why, with His help, we can get through anything. When we place our unwavering trust in His all-powerful sovereignty, we can fight the battle. Romans 8:28 tells us all things will work out for the believers good.

There may be questions that go unanswered. Some doubts may creep back in, but Romans 8:31 tells us that "if God if for us, then who can be against us?" As one of my favorite hymns says, "when the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet." (This is My Father's World)

In the end, we come out victorious. We come out stronger. We come out relying on God more because only with His help, can we can get through it.


Finally, friend, remember this: God sent His only Son to die on the cross for ALL of our sins. If He can do this, He most surely can get you through anything you go through.



 (Link for Jon Bloom's post)
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/why-god-gives-us-more-than-we-can-handle