Every time I go to visit Gran (my dad’s mom) I always expect to see Papa John. To see him reclining on his overstuffed, puffy chair, smiling, laughing, wearing black suspenders; telling jokes and relating stories of World War 2 and the Civil War.
But, I also know I won’t see him.
He passed away a few years ago. I was young; I wish I could remember more of him and more of the funeral. I do remember that there was small group of people and a lady with a beautiful voice sung, “His Eye in on the Sparrow” and I played “Amazing Grace” with my mom and sister. I remember it was outside and my brother, Jason, led the service.
I wish I could run to him and he would envelope me in a huge hug and he would smell like cigars and tell me, “ hello, pretty girl!” I wish I could ask him more about his life, more about his knowledge of history. And, more about his faith.
He raised my dad and uncle as Southern Baptists but, as he and Gran got older they stopped going to church. They said they listened to the radio and read books and such but, I still question if they were saved. It devastates me to think they aren’t; especially Papa John because, then, I will never see him again. With Gran, I still have an opportunity to talk to her.
But, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he is in heaven; worshiping God with no more pain and suffering. Maybe I will see him again when I enter into that place.
It’s a beautiful, glorious, and comforting thought.
I wish he was still alive so I could be sure. So, I could share more about Christ, about church, about my life.
I wish he was still alive so my dad can talk to him.
My dad, and an older brother, are not saved.
This devastates me every day; to the point of tears. Every day, I plead and beg with God to save their lives.
I’ve shared the message with him. I live my life as a witness for Christ.
He teaches biology and most of his friends are unbelievers. There seems to be no hope.
But, there is hope. But, there is also no time.
His life could be taken from him at anytime and then our chance to make a difference in his life is gone. Then, he’ll be suffering in the forever pain of hell.
If he dies without salvation, I would be utterly devastated. I hope and pray my faith would hold strong but, I know it would be wavered. I hope that I would understand that God has a reason, though I may not know it.
I hold strong to these verses for all of my unbelieving family. Whether they are still alive or have passed away:
The Lord God is in your midst; a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." Luke 19:10
The topic of my dad and brother is so heavy on my heart there will probably be many, many more posts about them.
And, I apologize if this post is rambling. These thoughts were in my head and I had to get them out. If you can glean and learn anything from them, good. If not, that good too.
As long as God is glorified.
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